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#1 2013-08-28 23:44:24

Topstitcher
Member
Posts: 2519

Ivy Humour !

Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car,
A passing Ivyist assures her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, .....
Rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens.......
"That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the man. "They're khakis".



Do add your own Ivy jokes.

Best -


What the world needs now is love, sweet love... And a jolly good kick up the harris.

 

#2 2013-08-29 03:58:42

fxh
Big Down Under.
From: Melbourne
Posts: 6150

Re: Ivy Humour !

Jim - I'd be so bold as to claim thats TRAD joke.....

I often let women feel my swelled edges.


To do: insert constantly changing witty, knowing and slightly ironic literary quote or reference.

http://sexyankles.tumblr.com/

 

#3 2013-08-29 04:07:27

Moose Maclennan
Ivy Inspiration
From: Hernando's Hideaway
Posts: 4577

Re: Ivy Humour !

This is the origin of the expression 'Shaggy Dog Story'.

 

#4 2013-08-29 06:30:28

woofboxer
Devil's Ivy Advocate
From: Staines-upon-Thames, Middlesex
Posts: 5752

Re: Ivy Humour !

The other day I went to return some books at our local library. I was wearing some chinos with cuffs on them. 

As I walked in the librarian said 'That's a turn up for the books'.......


'I'm not that keen on the Average Look .......ever'. 
John Simons

 

#5 2013-08-29 06:33:57

Chiswick49
Member
Posts: 67

Re: Ivy Humour !

Try and remeber that the most important part of a joke is the funny bit - try not to leave it out.

 

#6 2013-08-29 06:47:18

Liam
Moderator
Posts: 2068

Re: Ivy Humour !

Haha.


"Plup." Jimmy Frost Nachtman.

 

#7 2013-08-29 07:13:50

Harpo
The Best In The West
From: West Wales
Posts: 3394

Re: Ivy Humour !

How many Trads does it take to change a light bulb?

Er, then something about 50 or so to argue about what tie to wear, or something.... erm. Yeah, can't be bothered really, but you get the gist.

"Have you got a herringbone sack?"

"No, it's just the way I cross my legs."


Randy lower-class trifler

 

#8 2013-08-29 07:20:23

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

What did one Ivy wearer say to the other as they passed on the street?

Oh... wait.  That would never happen.  Sorry.


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#9 2013-08-29 07:27:50

Bop
Member
Posts: 7661

Re: Ivy Humour !

Ha

 

#10 2013-08-29 08:07:44

Bop
Member
Posts: 7661

Re: Ivy Humour !

Why did the Ivyist end up crashing his car?

He preferred not to have a break.

 

#11 2013-08-29 08:20:16

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

^
Also why he always felt overworked.


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#12 2013-08-29 08:22:09

Bop
Member
Posts: 7661

Re: Ivy Humour !

Ha

 

#13 2013-08-29 08:27:57

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

Knock knock...

"Who's there?"

"Ivy"

"Ivy who?"

"Ivy-lieve I left my Keydge jacket wadded up in the drawer of your bedside table."


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#14 2013-08-29 08:32:17

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

Knock knock...

"Who's there?"

"Ivy"

........................... no reply.


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#15 2013-08-29 08:39:32

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

On the subject of Ivy League style, what did one current Brooks Bros. employee say to the other?

Absolutely nothing.


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#16 2013-08-29 08:54:30

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

So an ivyist and a prep are sitting next to one another at a bar.  The prep takes note of the ivyists clothes and begins to comment, "Hey bro.  Those are some really cool chinos..."

The ivyist interrupts and curtly states, "If you say so much as one more word to me, I'm going to grab the back of your head and smash your teeth out on the edge of this bar."


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#17 2013-08-29 09:33:07

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

A very old man wakes one morning and finds the back door of his house ajar.  Only slightly concerned, he begins looking around his house to make sure none of his belongings are missing.  Finding nothing amiss, he continues his morning ritual of coffee, bacon, and eggs and then a few hours of old Perry Mason reruns.  Then after mowing the lawn he takes a shower and freshens up.  Upon opening his closet he hears a whimpering sound.  He parts his collection of ancient 3/2 sacks and vintage Brooks Makers shirts to find a young man entwined with a mohair sweater in the fetal position on the floor of the closet.  He appears to actually be licking the sweater and caressing it, as if making love to it. 

"What on Earth is going on here son?  What are you doing in my closet?"

The young intruder looks up with frenzied eyes and begins to mutter, "I.... I....  just please leave me be.  Please, I beg of you."

"Who the hell are you, you sicko?" asks the old man. 

"I.... I....  they call me Worried Man."


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#18 2013-08-29 10:39:21

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 10111

Re: Ivy Humour !

The more ancient, the madder.


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#19 2013-08-29 10:40:18

doghouse
Member
Posts: 5082

Re: Ivy Humour !

lol.


Hide thy infants, hide thy Lady, and hide thy husband, alas they art forcing sexual intercourse upon the entire populace. - Wm Shakespeare

 

#20 2013-08-29 10:59:25

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

After being ridiculed repeatedly on the Talk Ivy forum, what did the Keydge jacket say to the disparaging forum members?

"Damn you assholes.  Cut me some slack!"


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#21 2013-08-29 11:18:29

doghouse
Member
Posts: 5082

Re: Ivy Humour !

http://dhaneshspeaks.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/2376555-meme_are_you_kidding_me.png


Hide thy infants, hide thy Lady, and hide thy husband, alas they art forcing sexual intercourse upon the entire populace. - Wm Shakespeare

 

#22 2013-08-29 12:00:35

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

^
Yeah.  I expected that.  The skinny bald guy's hard to please.


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#23 2013-08-29 13:23:18

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

What's the first thing that goes through an Ivyist's mind when he gets hit by a speeding car?


His penny loafers.


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

#24 2013-08-29 13:31:44

Armchaired
Ivy I.V.
From: Old England
Posts: 7241

Re: Ivy Humour !

Worried Man wrote:

What's the first thing that goes through an Ivyist's mind when he gets hit by a speeding car?

My god as i bounced off the hood i noticed the driver had a great roll on the collar of his shirt
i wonder if it was a Fizzy? I should of asked him, now can someone call me an ambulance!


“My therapist told me that I over-analyze everything. I explained to him that he only thinks this because of his unhappy relationship with his mother.”

 

#25 2013-08-29 13:34:55

Worried Man
Member
From: Davebrubeckistan
Posts: 15920

Re: Ivy Humour !

Haha. 

We asked the victim what the driver looked like and he just kept saying something about the roll.  Yes, we know he rolled over you, but what did he look like?


"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955

 

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