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#1 2014-08-23 13:15:29

Bop
Member
Posts: 7661

Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

I thought it sounded like a good idea.

 

#2 2014-08-25 12:38:34

Acton_Baby
Member
From: West London
Posts: 3703

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

For 2 8oz burgers...

8oz lean chuck, ground once thro' a 3/16"ths plate
8oz boneless short rib, ground twice thro' a 9/64"ths plate ( this helps get better fat distribution )

roughly mix and form into 2 patties.
Cook to a medium-rare in a heavy iron skillet so the fat renders out and then 'confit's the burger in it's own meaty juices.

Condiments/additions need to be umami rich flavours for me,
caramelised onion is always a welcome presence.

For the bun, I'm still undecided but not keen on brioche/enriched style buns that seem to be popular nowadays.


"I have about 100 pairs of pyjamas. I like to see people dressed comfortably."
Hugh Hefner

 

#3 2014-08-25 12:44:15

doghouse
Member
Posts: 5093

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

http://static.rcgroups.net/forums/attachments/6/1/0/2/7/a3859645-135-Homer%20Drool.jpg?d=1299865791


Hide thy infants, hide thy Lady, and hide thy husband, alas they art forcing sexual intercourse upon the entire populace. - Wm Shakespeare

 

#4 2014-08-25 12:48:51

4F Hepcat
THE Cat
Posts: 14333

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Haven't we been here recently with the Frank Sinatra recipe for beefburges?


Vibe-Rations in Spectra-Sonic-Sound

 

#5 2014-08-25 14:59:29

Bop
Member
Posts: 7661

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

If brown sauce makes you a man, then what does truffle mayonnaise make you? A French Ponce?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--zIlj2777N4/Up2_erGawPI/AAAAAAAATKU/fsHdhyzBPoo/s1600/Empire-Mayonnaise.png

 

#6 2014-08-25 16:12:06

marlowe v2.0
Member
Posts: 463

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

The very best burger you could ever possibly have would be made by me and involves caraway, bacon, shallots, apples, gruyere, and a special sauce.

Last edited by marlowe v2.0 (2014-08-25 16:13:31)

 

#7 2014-08-25 22:36:32

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 11005

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

4F Hepcat wrote:

Haven't we been here recently with the Frank Sinatra recipe for beefburgers?

yeah that was me on my very own thread but here it is again for you (Dean's was real, Frank's, though funny, is a hoax, I hear):

http://i.imgur.com/jwEjg.jpg


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#8 2014-08-25 23:00:25

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 11005

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Ernest Hemingway's fussy hamburger recipe:

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/72944000/jpg/_72944416_recipe624.jpg

Interesting but there are two main problems here.  The first is calling for minced raw garlic.  Don't do this, the garlic won't get cooked thoroughly and it is nasty to have uncooked garlic in your burger.  If you love garlic and really want it in your burger, then just saute it until it turns color a little, and then add it.

Second is calling for beaten egg to be added.  This will just harden the meat as the egg cooks, it's a terrible idea.  Nobody likes hard burgers.  If you're after softer burgers, the old trick for velvety soft meatballs is to add a slice of white bread, crust removed, which has been soaked in milk, to the ground beef.  For burger purposes, this will make a burger softer, but is best used for meatballs.

If the meat is of a high quality, nothing extra is needed except a bit of salt and pepper.  Which is not to say that unusual variations can't be good.  It's just that beef is already the most flavorfully complex food in the world and has plenty of umami on its own, if the meat is first-rate. 

The keys are:

to use coarsely ground, not finely ground, beef;

to handle the meat as little as possible;

to form the patties as loosely as possible and never to press them down tightly and compact them but to try to leave some air in there;

to cook on cast iron if possible;

to have the temperature high enough to form a crust, which is aided by salting the surfaces of the patty right before putting it on the pan or grill (salting them ahead of time draws moisture out and makes the patty too wet, which yields not a crispy dark brown exterior but a steamed soggy gray surface).  Get that pan hot, place the burger in, leave it alone until red droplets of jus appear and then flip it, assuming the pan has released it, and cook the other side for one minute less than the first side.

Never press the patty down with a spatula.


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#9 2014-08-25 23:02:54

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 11005

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#10 2014-08-25 23:29:53

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 11005

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Burger from Louis Lunch, New Haven, 1900, noted for its cheese spread, white toast, and abjuration of ketchup, mustard or mayonnaise.  One of the oldest burger joints in the word :

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D9-UNHOvATc/TEZf8sr7GoI/AAAAAAAAA1s/oEyo6oUFDYM/s1600/Summer+2010+639.jpg

Yankee Doodle, New Haven, closed in early 2008.  And never reopened.  Ma Blue, how could you let this happen?  The greatest small burgers imaginable.  I crave the burgers from this place more than any other and I'll never have them again and I don't know their secret, how they got such a very thin burger to be so tender and juicy.  People, I'm sorry you'll not get the chance to have them, they were addictive.   

Lew Beckwith, Jr.: You were the short-order Da Vinci!  See you around Modern Apizza soon!

A cheeseburger from the Doodle, note the tangy Doodle relish in its tiny white cup:

http://www.supersizedmeals.com/food/images/articles/20061219-Doodleburger_Challenge_7.jpg

http://forums.filmnoirbuff.com/uploads/275_yankee_doodle_.jpg


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#11 2014-08-26 03:21:57

Acton_Baby
Member
From: West London
Posts: 3703

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

stanshall wrote:

Ernest Hemingway's fussy hamburger recipe:

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/7 … ipe624.jpg

Interesting but there are two main problems here.  The first is calling for minced raw garlic.  Don't do this, the garlic won't get cooked thoroughly and it is nasty to have uncooked garlic in your burger.  If you love garlic and really want it in your burger, then just saute it until it turns color a little, and then add it.

Second is calling for beaten egg to be added.  This will just harden the meat as the egg cooks, it's a terrible idea.  Nobody likes hard burgers.  If you're after softer burgers, the old trick for velvety soft meatballs is to add a slice of white bread, crust removed, which has been soaked in milk, to the ground beef.  For burger purposes, this will make a burger softer, but is best used for meatballs.

If the meat is of a high quality, nothing extra is needed except a bit of salt and pepper.  Which is not to say that unusual variations can't be good.  It's just that beef is already the most flavorfully complex food in the world and has plenty of umami on its own, if the meat is first-rate. 

The keys are:

to use coarsely ground, not finely ground, beef;

to handle the meat as little as possible;

to form the patties as loosely as possible and never to press them down tightly and compact them but to try to leave some air in there;

to cook on cast iron if possible;

to have the temperature high enough to form a crust, which is aided by salting the surfaces of the patty right before putting it on the pan or grill (salting them ahead of time draws moisture out and makes the patty too wet, which yields not a crispy dark brown exterior but a steamed soggy gray surface).  Get that pan hot, place the burger in, leave it alone until red droplets of jus appear and then flip it, assuming the pan has released it, and cook the other side for one minute less than the first side.

Never press the patty down with a spatula.

There are so many things wrong with the Hemmingway burger recipe I don't know where to start.
the main point I'd like to make is that he seems to want to hide the taste of poor quality meat.

I'm with you stanshall on pretty much everything else, particularly 'never press the patty down'.


"I have about 100 pairs of pyjamas. I like to see people dressed comfortably."
Hugh Hefner

 

#12 2014-08-26 08:19:27

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 11005

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Acton_Baby wrote:

stanshall wrote:

Ernest Hemingway's fussy hamburger recipe:

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/7 … ipe624.jpg

Interesting but there are two main problems here.  The first is calling for minced raw garlic.  Don't do this, the garlic won't get cooked thoroughly and it is nasty to have uncooked garlic in your burger.  If you love garlic and really want it in your burger, then just saute it until it turns color a little, and then add it.

Second is calling for beaten egg to be added.  This will just harden the meat as the egg cooks, it's a terrible idea.  Nobody likes hard burgers.  If you're after softer burgers, the old trick for velvety soft meatballs is to add a slice of white bread, crust removed, which has been soaked in milk, to the ground beef.  For burger purposes, this will make a burger softer, but is best used for meatballs.

If the meat is of a high quality, nothing extra is needed except a bit of salt and pepper.  Which is not to say that unusual variations can't be good.  It's just that beef is already the most flavorfully complex food in the world and has plenty of umami on its own, if the meat is first-rate. 

The keys are:

to use coarsely ground, not finely ground, beef;

to handle the meat as little as possible;

to form the patties as loosely as possible and never to press them down tightly and compact them but to try to leave some air in there;

to cook on cast iron if possible;

to have the temperature high enough to form a crust, which is aided by salting the surfaces of the patty right before putting it on the pan or grill (salting them ahead of time draws moisture out and makes the patty too wet, which yields not a crispy dark brown exterior but a steamed soggy gray surface).  Get that pan hot, place the burger in, leave it alone until red droplets of jus appear and then flip it, assuming the pan has released it, and cook the other side for one minute less than the first side.

Never press the patty down with a spatula.

There are so many things wrong with the Hemmingway burger recipe I don't know where to start.
the main point I'd like to make is that he seems to want to hide the taste of poor quality meat.

I'm with you stanshall on pretty much everything else, particularly 'never press the patty down'.

btw I enjoyed your burger post Acton_Baby and I think it's on the money .....

I posted the Hemingway recipe purely for historical interest; I definitely was not advocating it as a recipe, which is why I called it "fussy" ... it's downright weird.

All those horrible things in it, like capers, that don't belong in a burger patty .... I suspect this burger was the cause of his deep depression.

Hemingway's burger reminds me of Eddie Murphy's good old routine about the nasty greasy burgers with large pieces of green pepper in them that his mother would make and force him (and presumably Charlie too) to eat, ignoring their pleas for McDonald's.   

Salt, pepper, good meat, and plenty of heat, that's really all you need.

I also completely agree with your dislike of brioche buns for burgers.  I also dislike any egg-washed rolls for burgers.  Plain buns are best but they should be lightly toasted, cut side down, in the burger pan, after it's been wiped mostly clean, after the burgers are done and while they are resting.  Kaiser rolls as used at the Billy Goat Tavern in Chicago are also fine, white toast as used at Louis Lunch is fine though some disdain it, and proper Italian sub rolls are great for the delicious burger variant known as the cheeseburger sub.  But not fancy egg-washed French-type rolls with shiny tops.  They are slick and greasy feeling and turn me off.

One of the better burger places here uses them, probably thinking they are some kind of upgrade, but they are wrong.  The shiny slick surface of the egg-washed bun feels bad when it's picked up, it doesn't have a nice "hand" .....


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#13 2014-08-26 08:30:45

Acton_Baby
Member
From: West London
Posts: 3703

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

^ cheers for the props on the burger recipe,
been messing around with a few for years but that one makes the most consistent 'meaty tasting' burger for me.

on the bun issue stanshall, it's a bit of a palaver to make but these potato buns work great.

http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/ … uns-recipe

the butter glaze on the top isn't as extreme as the egg washed bun, but gives a nice subtle texture crackle on first bite.


"I have about 100 pairs of pyjamas. I like to see people dressed comfortably."
Hugh Hefner

 

#14 2014-08-26 09:00:27

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 11005

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Acton_Baby wrote:

^ cheers for the props on the burger recipe,
been messing around with a few for years but that one makes the most consistent 'meaty tasting' burger for me.

on the bun issue stanshall, it's a bit of a palaver to make but these potato buns work great.

http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/ … uns-recipe

the butter glaze on the top isn't as extreme as the egg washed bun, but gives a nice subtle texture crackle on first bite.

Good thought, over here we have Martin's potato rolls for both hamburgers and hot dogs, they're nice ... not saying they're as good as homemade from scratch but who's got time to bake when you're busy at the bar and the grill?

I've been toying with the idea of putting a bit of real Spanish chorizo, crumbled, into the burger patty mixture ... I really like the smoky flavor of good Spanish (as in made in Spain) chorizo ... not sure where I got the idea from but it came from somewhere ......


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#15 2014-08-26 09:09:37

doghouse
Member
Posts: 5093

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Martins Potato Rolls are like crack. God damn I love those things.


Hide thy infants, hide thy Lady, and hide thy husband, alas they art forcing sexual intercourse upon the entire populace. - Wm Shakespeare

 

#16 2014-08-26 09:30:35

Kingston1an
Member
Posts: 3420

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Wetherspoons chicken burger.

Comes with free pint of Guinness for not much money and not too many calories.

Staves off hunger pangs when proper meal not available.


"Florid, smug, middle-aged golf club bore in this country I'd say. Propping up the 19th hole in deepest Surrey bemoaning the perils of immigration."

 

#17 2014-08-26 09:45:23

Acton_Baby
Member
From: West London
Posts: 3703

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

stanshall wrote:

Acton_Baby wrote:

^ cheers for the props on the burger recipe,
been messing around with a few for years but that one makes the most consistent 'meaty tasting' burger for me.

on the bun issue stanshall, it's a bit of a palaver to make but these potato buns work great.

http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/ … uns-recipe

the butter glaze on the top isn't as extreme as the egg washed bun, but gives a nice subtle texture crackle on first bite.

Good thought, over here we have Martin's potato rolls for both hamburgers and hot dogs, they're nice ... not saying they're as good as homemade from scratch but who's got time to bake when you're busy at the bar and the grill?

I've been toying with the idea of putting a bit of real Spanish chorizo, crumbled, into the burger patty mixture ... I really like the smoky flavor of good Spanish (as in made in Spain) chorizo ... not sure where I got the idea from but it came from somewhere ......

I forget you have access to the 'real deal' in the Martin's bun,
over on this side of the pond that recipe was the closest I could get to the Martins product without paying the equivalent of $30/dozen (frozen not fresh) from Selfridges Food Hall.

The chorizo is a good idea, maybe cubed and cooked down with some caramelised onions so it dissolves and used as a 'topping'.

Last edited by Acton_Baby (2014-08-26 09:46:18)


"I have about 100 pairs of pyjamas. I like to see people dressed comfortably."
Hugh Hefner

 

#18 2014-08-26 09:49:52

Acton_Baby
Member
From: West London
Posts: 3703

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

doghouse wrote:

Martins Potato Rolls are like crack. God damn I love those things.

hahahaha,
I'm really going 'cold turkey' for a Martins roll sooooo baaad.

Now there's a thought thin sliced turkey on a Martins roll with homemade mayo and a pickle. big_smile


"I have about 100 pairs of pyjamas. I like to see people dressed comfortably."
Hugh Hefner

 

#19 2014-08-26 09:57:29

doghouse
Member
Posts: 5093

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Acton_Baby wrote:

doghouse wrote:

Martins Potato Rolls are like crack. God damn I love those things.

hahahaha,
I'm really going 'cold turkey' for a Martins roll sooooo baaad.

Now there's a thought thin sliced turkey on a Martins roll with homemade mayo and a pickle. big_smile

Good thing I just ate lunch or it could have gotten ugly around here!


Hide thy infants, hide thy Lady, and hide thy husband, alas they art forcing sexual intercourse upon the entire populace. - Wm Shakespeare

 

#20 2014-08-26 10:05:44

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 11005

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Acton_Baby wrote:

doghouse wrote:

Martins Potato Rolls are like crack. God damn I love those things.

hahahaha,
I'm really going 'cold turkey' for a Martins roll sooooo baaad.

Now there's a thought thin sliced turkey on a Martins roll with homemade mayo and a pickle. big_smile

very nice thought indeed ... my local serves one of the greatest turkey sandwiches ... world's best seeded rye bread, thinly sliced turkey, lettuce, paper-thin slices of Jarlsberg cheese, Russian dressing, sliced in half the long way .....

earlier this morning when I was reading this thread I was thinking of getting a cheeseburger sub but impressionable as I am you may have swayed me toward the turkey sandwich ... but then I'll have to chase it with a Cuban coffee to offset the tryptophan ... got to have a strategy ...... either way I'll be on the nod by 3:00 ......


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#21 2014-08-26 10:21:16

Acton_Baby
Member
From: West London
Posts: 3703

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

stanshall wrote:

my local serves one of the greatest turkey sandwiches ... world's best seeded rye bread, thinly sliced turkey, lettuce, paper-thin slices of Jarlsberg cheese, Russian dressing, sliced in half the long way .....

... but then I'll have to chase it with a Cuban coffee to offset the tryptophan ... got to have a strategy ...... either way I'll be on the nod by 3:00 ......

That sounds like a scorcher, the Russian dressing is a nice touch.

Now you've got me really jealous, I've got to travel to the other-side of London to get a decent Cuban coffee,
tho' a recently opened independent coffee place near to me will do a high pressure/low temp Ristretto which has the right almost 'oily' consistency but not quite the correct taste.


"I have about 100 pairs of pyjamas. I like to see people dressed comfortably."
Hugh Hefner

 

#22 2014-08-26 10:31:46

Acton_Baby
Member
From: West London
Posts: 3703

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Back to the burger,
The vegetable/salad components :

What kind of lettuce, if any ?
Do you add a slice of tomato ?
Raw onion, heresy or heroic ?
The sliced pickle, a bonus or a bummer ?

Do some combinations, tho' tasty, have inherent structural problems causing  'layer shift issues' in the architecture of the burger ?


"I have about 100 pairs of pyjamas. I like to see people dressed comfortably."
Hugh Hefner

 

#23 2014-08-26 12:23:53

stanshall
Moderator
From: Gilligan's Island
Posts: 11005

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Acton_Baby wrote:

Back to the burger,
The vegetable/salad components :

What kind of lettuce, if any ?
Do you add a slice of tomato ?
Raw onion, heresy or heroic ?
The sliced pickle, a bonus or a bummer ?

Do some combinations, tho' tasty, have inherent structural problems causing  'layer shift issues' in the architecture of the burger ?

Lettuce: fast-food burgers definitely need iceberg.  Unless it's a QPC.  Louis Lunch never used lettuce, and I've definitely had issues with romaine on burgers.  If you have very crunchy romaine and you fold it, you can get a bit of crunch, which you want because soft rare burger with soft bun is too mushy for my taste.  But if I am served lettuce on my burger, I usually take it off and it eat first as a small salad course for aid in digestion. Unless it's a Whopper with cheese off the broiler from the Lounge.  Or a Texas-style burger, which needs the raw onion, chopped lettuce, mustard and mayo, but classically not ketchup. 

The best thing about lettuce in the hamburger case is the crunch, but I think there are better ways to get it.  Namely the sweet onion, preferably Vidalia, the supremely delicious sweet protected product from Vidalia County only, Georgia.  Vidalia onions truly have the summer taste, just like fresh tomatoes, and burgers are quintessential summer food, and they harmonize well. 

Cheese on a burger is a great thing generally but not on sliders.

Pickles are good for me as long as they're just plain hamburger dills ... the ones that taste right to me are Mt. Olive brand hamburger dill chips from North Carolina.  Garlic dill pickles are best to cut the unctuousness of pastrami and corned beef but plain hamburger dills do it right for me and also provide crunch and a vinegar tang which adds to the crucial play between the fat and the acid.

Tomatoes and beef have a great affinity and it is advisable to eat lycopene, which tomatoes have in abundance, when eating beef.  They add freshness, color, and vegetable goodness and really clean up a burger's act.  Sprinkling a few grains of salt and grinding some pepper on the slices makes them better for all purposes.

(Aside: when you have exceptionally great tomatoes you can skip the whole burger process and just have tomato sandwiches on trimmed good fresh white bread with mayonnaise, salt and a lot of black pepper.  Bit of watercress too if you like.)

Architecturally you have choices, but the dangers of slithering are much reduced if the lettuce is eschewed.

At the late great Bill & Ted's Tavern the griddled cheeseburger was served on a griddle-toasted bun with pickles and a slice of raw onion on top of the patty and griddled onions diced large were served underneath the patty.  With ketchup and mustard the Bill & Ted's cheeseburger was the Platonic ideal of the tavern burger, which is a key category.

The takeaway here is that you go with both a raw slice of sweet Vidalia onion and some large diced grilled yellow cooking onions cooked until they have a crisp blackened edge but not until they melt, because they add a third texture, soft but still toothsome, and some nice sweetness.  Vidalias and Maui Sweets and Peruvian sweet onions are so sweet that the point is to eat them raw because you can.  They can be too sweet when cooked.  It's pointless to caramelize them because the transformation into sweetness isn't alchemy the way it is with plain Spanish onions.

Red onions, I don't use them for burgers but if you like them why not?  When they're raw they can be on the harsh side for some people.

Of course the beef should have enough minerality and clean fat flavor to stand up to everything.

But the burger is democratic and it is your right to have it your way, it's an expression of glorious freedom of choice.  Unless you're at Louis Lunch.   

At the late great Yankee Doodle about which I will go on forever their surprisingly delicate burgers (their cheeseburgers were made with white cheese, an old Connecticut thing, and their griddle-toasted buns were smeared with a smidgin of butter) it was discovered that a lightly fried egg with moderately runny yolk on top of a burger or cheeseburger was a surefire hangover cure.

Properly crisped bacon is also superb on a good burger as it is on everything.  Everything.  Everything.

Last edited by stanshall (2014-08-27 08:35:49)


"bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay"

 

#24 2014-08-26 18:00:45

TheExpandingMan
Member
Posts: 841

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

Smashing a burger with your spatula, provided it's done correctly, is perfectly acceptable.

The Maillard reaction, the browning of food when heated (caramelization), is what gives a burger or a steak that delicious crusty outside that tastes so delicious.  To maximize this, you want the maximum surface area of your meat (snicker) exposed to the greatest amount of heat. 


This method will not work on a grill.

To do this, get your pan or griddle hot, like real hot.  Roll your burger meat into a ball, use about 1/3 pound per ball (snicker again).  Drop the ball onto the hot-ass pan and immediately squash it into a burger shape with your spatula.  Hold it down there, like you are putting a Macanudo out in the armpit of a guy who owes you large money.  Ten seconds should do it.

Now, the important part.

Have a drink.  A nice, large cold one.  Maybe a Vesper, or some other three-plus ounce Martini-type drink.  Drink it and then go back to the burger.  Try to flip it, if you have to scrape the spatula on the pan to free the burger, you need to wait a little longer.  The magic heat goblins that enable the Maillard reaction still have a tight grip on your meat (seriously, no one's laughing right now?).  These fuckers will let go when they're good and ready, and not a second before.  Have another drink while testing your burger for flipability.

Once you can flip it, do so.  Pressing the other side isn't nearly as violent as the first flip.  You aren't shaping the burger; unless you're a limp-wristed type, the burger should be sufficiently flat.  This pressing should be gentle but firm, more like putting a Virginia Slim out on the belly-button of a chick that's into that sort of thing.  You don't want to press any of the fat out of the burger, just press the surface of the meat down so the Maillard goblins can get a good hold on it.  Let them do their thing, they know what's up.

Check for doneness by poking the middle of the burger with your finger.  The softer the burger, the rarer.  I like mine with a little pink in the middle.

As the redoubtable stanshall said above, slap it on a bun and put whatever you want on the thing and eat it.


"l wouldn't mind putting him to work in the yard and working him 20 hours a day while l sit on a chair with a megaphone giving him a long lecture on the ills of sneakers...This would go on for months."
-The Shooman

 

#25 2014-08-26 18:07:52

Jeff Reed
Member
From: Brooklyn, New York
Posts: 977

Re: Film Noir Buff Hamburger Talk sub-forum

TheExpandingMan wrote:

Smashing a burger with your spatula, provided it's done correctly, is perfectly acceptable.

The Maillard reaction, the browning of food when heated (caramelization), is what gives a burger or a steak that delicious crusty outside that tastes so delicious.  To maximize this, you want the maximum surface area of your meat (snicker) exposed to the greatest amount of heat. 


This method will not work on a grill.

To do this, get your pan or griddle hot, like real hot.  Roll your burger meat into a ball, use about 1/3 pound per ball (snicker again).  Drop the ball onto the hot-ass pan and immediately squash it into a burger shape with your spatula.  Hold it down there, like you are putting a Macanudo out in the armpit of a guy who owes you large money.  Ten seconds should do it.

Now, the important part.

Have a drink.  A nice, large cold one.  Maybe a Vesper, or some other three-plus ounce Martini-type drink.  Drink it and then go back to the burger.  Try to flip it, if you have to scrape the spatula on the pan to free the burger, you need to wait a little longer.  The magic heat goblins that enable the Maillard reaction still have a tight grip on your meat (seriously, no one's laughing right now?).  These fuckers will let go when they're good and ready, and not a second before.  Have another drink while testing your burger for flipability.

Once you can flip it, do so.  Pressing the other side isn't nearly as violent as the first flip.  You aren't shaping the burger; unless you're a limp-wristed type, the burger should be sufficiently flat.  This pressing should be gentle but firm, more like putting a Virginia Slim out on the belly-button of a chick that's into that sort of thing.  You don't want to press any of the fat out of the burger, just press the surface of the meat down so the Maillard goblins can get a good hold on it.  Let them do their thing, they know what's up.

Check for doneness by poking the middle of the burger with your finger.  The softer the burger, the rarer.  I like mine with a little pink in the middle.

As the redoubtable stanshall said above, slap it on a bun and put whatever you want on the thing and eat it.

Haha. I'm counting 11 double entendres and one blatantly lewd reference. Well done. Which is how I like them. <eyebrow raise>


Relief: v. to reassemble a denuded tree or other plant.

 

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