Dodging the question eh?

http://www.cnn.com/2015/02/12/living/cnnphotos-burlesque-legends/index.html

Yeah.  The braid.  Braid's great.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombeavers

A friend of mine says Zombeavers has absolutely zero artistic merit, so naturally it has zoomed to the top of my personal "must-see" chart.

From the "Compass" section of The Lakeville Journal, April 9, 2015:

Movies: ‘Zombeavers’
By Patrick L. Sullivan (who else?)


Director Jordan Rubin’s “Zombeavers” (2014) is a splendid piece of partially-fermented curd that probably won’t be playing in a theater near you but is available for streaming from Amazon.

And hey, for that $4.99 rental fee you’ll be able to watch it over and over for seven whole days!

It’s also the flick that answers the question, “What happens when a zombie beaver bites a pretty young blonde?”

Mary (Rachel Melvin), Zoe (Cortney Palm) and Jenn (Lexi Atkins) go to a cabin in the country by a pretty crummy-looking pond, which they insist on calling a lake.

They are going away from men and cell phones, and keeping Jenn company, because she’s having trouble with her boyfriend.

What they don’t know, but we do (thanks to a semi-amusing opening sequence involving the two dumbest hazardous waste disposal truck drivers in film history), is that a barrel of toxic goo wound up stuck in a beaver dam in the decidedly eutrophic warm-water pond after floating for miles down what looks like pretty good trout water.

In case your sarcasm meter is broken, this is highly improbable.

But no matter, because zombie beavers are also an unlikely phenomenon.

Well, it doesn’t take long for the girls to get down to their bikinis, and for Zoe to lose her top.(I’m guessing the producers could only afford one half-nekkid actress, although it is absolutely critical to the plot.)

And then they meet the Crusty Coot (Rex Linn, as Smyth), a character that is necessary in these situations, to provide authentic, heritage, artisanal, backwoods knowledge, to leer at the girls, and to give false hope that someone will save the day.

Back in the cabin, Jenn finds an attack beaver in the tub, and the horror commences.   

Oh, and the boys show up, which is handy since 20-year old guys are much better at killing undead aquatic mammals than girls.

That seems to be that, until the dopes go swimming again, the next day.

This time there are a lot of beavers. And they are ticked off.

One of them takes off Buck’s foot (played by the immortal Peter Gilroy — the character, not the appendage).         The rest get to the raft, but jeepers, the beavers are pretty well in their element — water and wood and all.

Well, all hell pretty much breaks loose after that. And the answer to the question posed above is: “She turns into a zombie, with buck teeth.”

To sum up: Exploding beaver. Tunneling beavers. Beaver jokes.  Exceptionally unhappy ending to sex scene in bathroom. Bad driving. Head squishing. Inane contemporary college conversations. Cell phone withdrawal symptoms. Scummy lake that nobody would ever swim in, unless they were on fire. Coed zombies, mook zombies, crusty coot zombies, old lady next door zombies, bear zombies.

Best bit of dialogue:

“What have you got there? Sandwich?”

“No, it’s Buck’s foot.”

There are references, however unwitting, to “Night of the Living Dead,” the “Evil Dead” films and “The Seducers.”

I’ve had some feedback on “Zombeavers”:

Kurt from Oregon, noting this flick got a lot of attention at the Tribeca Film Festival, has denounced all film festivals.

And the friend who recommended this film said he detected a feminist theme in “Zombeavers.”

Skipping lightly over that observation, I can say this: “Zombeavers” is a thoroughly silly, lightweight and moderately enjoyable flick that costs only $4.99, is only 85 minutes long, and you can watch it on your couch in your underwear.

And if that’s not a recommendation in this post-modern world, I don’t know what is.

Rated R for horror, gore, crude sexuality and language.