Last edited by Big Tony (2011-08-31 11:27:57)

I'll stop after this one, but I am amazed by this guy. If I was having to read a monologue to get the part of a sociopath in a Hollywood thriller, I would read the following in the audition.

Again from Wasp 101.

''As I retrieved my J Crew tennis sweater from the shelf to prepare for a luncheon with friends at the club, I took a trip down memory lane and remembered my encounter with the Virgin Whore. Of course the name Virgin Whore is an oxy moron, but as I tell the story the name should resonate as appropriate.

The story begins with your truly on my first day of high school. I will never forget the outfit, smile, and sexual prowess I encountered when I first laid eyes on the Virgin Whore. She was exquisite with black hair, olive complexion, and a smile to kill for. From that moment forward, my goal in life was to obtain the Virgin Whore and make her mine. Thus the quest begun!

Of course, the quest had its road blocks. The first obvious roadblock was that the Virgin Whore was desired by all males in the school including upper-classman. The second road block was the fact that her parents would not allow her to date or do anything with boys outside of school (this data was discovered later on). Finally, my classmate TG (Superstar) would nudge his way in to become my most fierce competition.

My first attempt to meet the Whore was successful, and I was fortunate to have many classes with her. She was always very pleasant to me, and she appeared to possibly share my attraction. However, my pursuit also served as a blinder, and I never noticed how much the Virgin Whore craved attention. In fact, she was leading around twenty or so upper-classman around by the nose, but she always remained virtuous. The girl wouldn't even allow you to hold her hand (thus awarding her the name Virgin). Furthermore, her virtuous choices made her more appealing.

Regardless, of her endless pursuits for attention, it became clear that the two front runners for her ultimate display of affection were in fact Superstar and I. Eventually, I befriended Superstar to keep up with his progress, but it always remained obvious that we had the same goal. To speed things up a bit, this pursuit lasted 2 1/2 years and at this time we all found ourselves in the middle of our junior year. And then.......

I will never forget that treacherous day! I was standing at the top of the hall dressed in my khakis and tennis sweater. Superstar was standing right beside me, and from a distance, we could see the Virgin Whore walking up the hall. As she grew closer, we noticed she was not alone. Then it became apparent that she was holding a boys hand, but who was the boy? It was none other than the king of all jackasses, freshman JW. Upon turning sixteen, the Virgin Whore chose a lowly freshman and she walked by with a wicked smile to flaunt her selection.

At this moment, I realized that Superstar and I had been had. We fell into the evil trap of the Virgin Whore. Even though she was virtuous and pure as the virgin snow, the girl had whored herself socially throughout the school desiring attention for her every move. She had bewildered two young souls, and on one crushing day destroyed their hearts.

Oh well, I least I still had my tennis sweater!''

I think there is enough material here for a movie similar in style to Best in Show

Neither my wife nor I had ever heard of the "Cracker Barrel." It must be a regional chain.

I've always thought of myself as "half-WASP," the other half being Dutch, although I might prefer the term "old stock American" since the number of pure Anglo-Saxon Americans (unadulterated with Celtic or other blood) must be minuscule. My mother was so "old stock" that we are supposedly descended from the real (as opposed to the poetic) Hiawatha.

You realise it is impossible to be Anglo-Saxon and not have the majority of your DNA to be Celtic don't you? Genetics is all very well until you face up to the fact you can't always dictate your nature due to a mis-understanding of genetic pooling. A bit like when Hitler had to admit that the main heritage among Germans was of Alpine-Europeans and not in fact Aryan or Nordic. So much for the NF's argument in Britain at the same time to.

Sorry that all sounded a bit aggressive must be my Viking side coming out.

Skol! skol! skol! skol!

Last edited by Oo Bop Sh'bam (2011-08-31 15:00:24)

Last edited by fxh (2011-08-31 23:47:32)