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#1 2015-05-23 22:54:41
- The_Shooman
- A pretty face
- From: AUSTRALIA
- Posts: 13179
JOKE THREAD
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
A = because if they fell forwards they would fall into the boat.
#2 2015-05-24 12:24:01
- Worried Man
- Member
- From: Davebrubeckistan
- Posts: 15988
Re: JOKE THREAD
What do you get when you drop a piano on the Army barracks?
A flat Major.
"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955
#4 2015-05-25 15:25:56
- Worried Man
- Member
- From: Davebrubeckistan
- Posts: 15988
Re: JOKE THREAD
My poop??
"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955
#5 2015-05-25 15:28:02
- Worried Man
- Member
- From: Davebrubeckistan
- Posts: 15988
Re: JOKE THREAD
A stick?
"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955
#8 2015-05-26 10:26:04
- Worried Man
- Member
- From: Davebrubeckistan
- Posts: 15988
Re: JOKE THREAD
At the urging of his doctor, an elderly man moved from the bustling city to the peace of the deep countryside. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.
"Say, is this really a healthy place?"
"It sure is," the neighbor replied. "When I first arrived here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head, didn’t have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"Wow! That’s wonderful!" said the newcomer. "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."
"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955
#9 2015-05-27 10:42:48
- Worried Man
- Member
- From: Davebrubeckistan
- Posts: 15988
Re: JOKE THREAD
A man discovered that his credit card had been stolen. He was about to call to report the theft but then decided not to once he realized the thief was charging far less than his wife.
"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955
#10 2015-05-27 10:49:40
- Worried Man
- Member
- From: Davebrubeckistan
- Posts: 15988
Re: JOKE THREAD
How can you tell if a drummer is successful?
He has a wife that works two jobs.
"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955
#11 2015-05-27 11:07:34
- Jeff Reed
- Member
- From: Brooklyn, New York
- Posts: 991
Re: JOKE THREAD
I went into church for communion. The Reverend said, "come forth and receive everlasting life in heaven." I was fifth in line, so I'm getting a toaster.
After telling many bad jokes for several minutes, a co-worker asked if I would ever give up.
"No", I said, "I have the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the St. Louis zoo."
#12 2015-05-27 11:56:33
- 4F Hepcat
- THE Cat
- Posts: 14333
Re: JOKE THREAD
Musical jokes with Woody Allen on clarinet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGcerw-FgzE
Vibe-Rations in Spectra-Sonic-Sound
#13 2015-05-27 15:44:02
- TheExpandingMan
- Member
- Posts: 841
Re: JOKE THREAD
Ten Norwegians were raping a German girl.
She yelled, "Nein! Nein!"
So one of the Norwegians left.
#14 2015-05-27 17:06:41
- farrago
- Ambassador Of Ivy
- From: Now in SFO
- Posts: 1087
Re: JOKE THREAD
Two buzzards are about to board a flight. Buzzard #2 is carrying a dead rabbit.
Buzzard #1: "Why did you bring the rabbit? An in flight snack is provided."
Buzzard #2: "It's not my snack. It's my carrion."
#15 2015-05-27 20:15:53
- Worried Man
- Member
- From: Davebrubeckistan
- Posts: 15988
Re: JOKE THREAD
hahaha.
I'm amazed that none of us are professional comedians.
"We close our sto' at a reasonable hour because we figure anybody who would want one of our suits has got time to stroll over here in the daytime." - VP of George Muse Clothing, Atlanta, 1955
#16 2015-05-28 05:27:46
- TheExpandingMan
- Member
- Posts: 841
Re: JOKE THREAD
What does a stripper do to her asshole before she goes to work?
Gives him twenty bucks and drops him off at band practice.