Some Northern ones here:

Like a dog with two dicks

as funny as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.

The brown laser.

"Too lazy to hang together".

"Here's my head, my arse is coming". - of a tardy person.

queer as a 3 dollar bill

we're off like a prom dress.
I couldn't be happier if I were twins.

Last edited by Maximilien de Robespierre (2011-05-13 19:19:51)

Friday evening and this is what I am doing.  Ok.  You need to think of a Scottish accent and you need to see a guy throwing a docking rope and missing several times and then I hear this:

"Ye couldn't hit a cewe in the arse with a banjo." 


I laughed for days at that one. A nice variant on the previously mentioned barn door.

My all time favorite:  "Even if you feel good, if ten people tell you that you are dead, maybe you should lay down for a while."

Oh and I forgot - "I am as horny as a three dicked dog."

Last edited by g- (2011-05-13 20:20:19)

if I'm in a dull meeting

"How about we all hold hands and try and contact the living"

On walking into a crowded lift

"I suppose you are all wondering why I've called you all here together today"

"Like a fart in a collander" is another one - the added point here being that the fart cannot decide out of which collander hole to go.

did anyone mention "fucking the dog" yet?
= doing nothing, idling

"Chicken legs" skinny legs and on the same theme "Like a tom tit with leggings on".