I recline on a clack clack couch because I made poor life choices.

I agree, rustic furniture and chesterfields sofas are the way to go.

I have a modernist living room, complete with overtly expensive hard acute lined aesthetics and sofa built with a distinct lack of consideration to the ergonomics of man and woman. Perhaps they had C3PO or R2D2 in mind?

When it comes to interior decorating and home furnishings, one needs to keep focused on comfort, always keep comfort as the first priority.

My Eames Ottoman chair is pulled up close to my 1820's Honey Oak tea table as I write this in my 1764 abode. To my left is the Olive Green Corduroy armchair that I have fond memories of enjoying 'relations' bent over the arm of.

All the door stops in my place are Victorian weights from a Butcher's who went bust down Cirencester way a while back. Each one worthy of the title 'Exhibit A.' if I ever get the chance to brain an intruder with them.

I have shutters, not curtains, on my floor to ceiling windows and all my window boxes have Red Geraniums in them.

I am sitting on a lovely brown windowpane Tweed cushion that was once a window display item from Cordings, Picadilly.

I keep bars of Pears soap inbetween my linen in my T. Shirt draw to remind me of the days when my Grandmother used to bathe me in a copper fish kettle as a nipper (I was impressively small back then).

My bookcases have two almost symetrical cobwebs on them which I have lightly sparyed with Elnett to preserve them. They are as sturdy as the top on a Creme Brulee now.

I enjoy sitting here listening to John Coltrane.

I remember an interview with Graham Chapman talking about Monty Python where he said that they enjoyed wasting the audience's time - Hence the overly long filming of the raggedy man on the beach at the start finally only ever saying 'It's...'

My post was to make fun of yours and also you yourself as a human being.

What colour socks are you wearing right now ?

A typically evasive answer from somebody who isn't even wearing any socks right now. I also doubt that you have any trousers on too.

A picture is forming here of what your parents must have been like.

As I predicted.

But, one question: As you have no legs, why are you presenting yourself in this dishonest way on the Internet? Why not just get real and be proud of who you are?

Why not be a bigger man and simply say that you are down on the floor with your stumps ajar?

I could respect a man like that. An honest man.

Very revealing. Don't be unhappy, Ivan off.