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#1 2013-10-18 06:38:26
- Topstitcher
- Member
- Posts: 2519
Have you lost your local Off Licence ?
I haven't. 
The 'Offy' is a great icon of British life but sadly threatened by the mini-market and the Tesco Express. The perfect Offy (Mine) sells only booze, fags, a few mixers and a few crisps and bags of salted peanuts. No fancier nuts should ever be found in the perfect Offy.
Offys are run by people called John, Steve and Dave. Sometimes their wives help out: Jean, Shirley and Pam. Their children never help out in the shop. That wouldn't be right.
Offys sell strange and wonderful things to be found in few other places.
A bottle of White wine? 'Balkan Prince' is proudly displayed.
A bottle of Scotch? Ever tried 'Glenmorie' ?
Vodka, you say? What about 'Polsaw' ?
'Amphora' pipe tobacco is just behind the till.
All Offy proprietors wear cardigans.
Support your local Offy.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love... And a jolly good kick up the harris.
#2 2013-10-18 06:51:47
- Gilbert the Filbert
- Member
- From: Hanover Square
- Posts: 190
Re: Have you lost your local Off Licence ?
"O could I as Harlequin frisk,
And thou be my Columbine fair,
My wand should, with one magic whisk,
Transport us to Hanover Square." The Knut with a 'K'.
#3 2013-10-18 06:58:50
- Topstitcher
- Member
- Posts: 2519
Re: Have you lost your local Off Licence ?
I think you have peanuts envy, Gilbert.
This Polsaw vodka is jolly good you know. Cheap as chips and is probably made out of them too.
A hypothetical: How much would one have to dilute lighter fluid to make it potable ?
What the world needs now is love, sweet love... And a jolly good kick up the harris.
#4 2013-10-18 07:09:19
- Topstitcher
- Member
- Posts: 2519
Re: Have you lost your local Off Licence ?
Oh - And Offys always have metal grills over their windows and doors all day long to protect their high quality stock.
Also - I'd forgotten some Sherry I saw in there before: 'Royal Henley Cream'.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love... And a jolly good kick up the harris.
#5 2013-10-18 07:47:01
- Kingston1an
- Member
- Posts: 4187
Re: Have you lost your local Off Licence ?
I think off licences disappeared many decades ago when primary school children could buy 20 Senior Service for their dads and you could get those quart bottles of brown ale and Guinness with the rubber stopper caps.
In the days when crisps were plain and an occasional treat. Salt was added from a little blue bag.
I did a few days work for Threshers a couple of years ago in somewhere desperate like Welwyn Garden City. They were known as First Quench or something equally daft. Receivership followed shortly afterwards but not on account of anything I did or did not do.
"Florid, smug, middle-aged golf club bore in this country I'd say. Propping up the 19th hole in deepest Surrey bemoaning the perils of immigration."
#6 2013-10-18 10:03:35
- 4F Hepcat
- THE Cat
- Posts: 14333
Re: Have you lost your local Off Licence ?
Vibe-Rations in Spectra-Sonic-Sound