Hahaha.  Sorry AC.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)

   The missus bought a Paperback,
   down Shepton Mallet way,           
   I had a look inside her bag;           
   ... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

   Well I just left her to it,
   And at ten I went to bed.
   An hour later she appeared;
   The sight filled me with dread...

   In her left she held a rope;
   And in her right a whip!
   She threw them down upon the floor,
   And then began to strip.

   Well fifty years or so ago;
   I might have had a peek;
   But Mabel hasn't weathered well;     
   She's eighty four next week!!           

   Watching Mabel bump and grind;     
   Could not have been much grimmer.
   And things then went from bad to worse;
   She toppled off her Zimmer!

   She struggled back upon her feet;
   A couple minutes later;
   She put her teeth back in and said
   I am a dominater !!

   Now if you knew our Mabel,               
   You'd see just why I spluttered,
   I'd spent two months in traction
   For the last complaint I'd uttered.

   She stood there nude and naked
   Bent forward just a bit
   I went to hold her, sensual like
   and stood on her left tit!

   Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;       
   My God what had I done!?
   She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
   "Step on the other one!!

   Well readers, I can tell no more;
   Of what occurred that day.
   Suffice to say my jet black hair,
   Turned fifty shades of grey.

Very nice poem. Scans and everything.

But what's a Zimmer?

Ahh...what we call a walker.